Where My Heart Lies
by luvHaru7
Summary: Misao confronts Aoshi on his feelings towards her. Both must sort through their emotions to find answers. Rather in depth thoughtwise. Laura UPDATED! yay!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin (Nobuhiro Watsuki) or koi (I dream, though)

Two down, one to go. I turned to confront the remaining man and found myself face to face with Aoshi. My third attacker was lying very much unconcious against a wall.

'Damn him. I had that under control! Why do I always find myself under some sort of supervision? I'm 17 for crying out loud! I don't need a babysitter. I am perfectly capable of defending myself' glances down at bleeding upper-arm 'ok, maybe not as well as I'd like to think, but even so!'

I looked to meet his eyes defiantly but was caught off guard by what I saw. Concern. He was concerned about me. I had expected disappointment or disapproval, but concern? For a moment, I could have sworn I even saw-- nah. Just my wishful thinking getting the best of me once again. 'No! Why can't I just be angry with him?'

I moved to shove him aside angrily. After multiple attempts to do so, I subsided, obstinate pout ever-present upon my face. We walked home in total silence. Not silence of the awkward sort, but more like a silent truce of sorts.

Upon our arrival at the Aoiya, it was unanimously insisted that I have my arm seen to, as it was a rather deep cut I had received. Following my medical tending-to, I retreated out back into the gardens. I sat beside a quiet pool and watched a solitary koi hover near me for several minutes before swimming steadily on its way.

After an hour or so, it came to my attention that Aoshi was behind me. 'How long has he been sitting there? Why is he caring so much, anyway!' He just sat there, watching amused as looks of bewilderment, anger, and curiosity passed over my face, his own displaying no emotion. We sat there in silence once again. This time, it was more awkward, waiting for words to come forth. I waited on him.

Finally he spoke.

Koi-- a kind of fish, a type of Japanese carp. Well bred koi can sell for thousands of dollars. They can be quite large, certainly over a foot.

AN:P Bear with me, please. My preferred fish book has been missing for some time. I think I'm doing pretty well. Input would really be appreciated, as is support (who doesn't like support?), your thoughts, etc. Please review.


	2. Chapter 2

Where My Heart Lies-- chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Rurouni Kenshin (Nobuhiro Watsuki), "Going Under" (Evanescence), or the phrase "absolute certainty is the greatest illusion of all" (fortune cookie).

"Misao, you have to be more careful."

"I had that under control! You--"

"You need to take better care of yourself."

"Why do you care? Do you care? We both know what my feelings are, but what about you, Aoshi? I need to know just where your heart lies!" I stormed off in search of some more solitary solitude. My room seemed like a suitable choice for such.

It was getting to be too much to bear. I couldn't continue to go on living with my one-sided love. I needed to know what he felt. I had to come to a crossroads. I had to either get somewhere in this relationship or move on. To make any decision, I needed to know where I stood.

_Now I will tell you what I've done for you_

_Fifty-thousand tears I've cried_

_Screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for you_

_And you still won't hear me_

_I'm going under)_

He had been gone for so long, and in that time my loyalty had never wavered. His return only strengthened my faith, but I wasn't sure I could stay so strong. Would I be swamped entirely by accumulating emotion? Would there be any relief for me? My unreturned feelings threatened to overtake me.

_Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself_

_Maybe I'll wake up for once_

_Not tormented daily defeated by you_

_Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom_

_I'm dying again_

If turned down, would I be released from my feelings? Would I be able to live my life without this unrequited passion?

_I'm going under_

_Drowning in you_

_I'm falling forever_

_I've got to break through_

_I'm going under_

_Blurring and Stirring the truth and the lies_

_So I don't know what's real and what's not_

_Always confusing the thoughts in my head_

_So I can't trust myself anymore_

_I'm dying again_

How many times had I dreamt of Aoshi returning my love? How many times had I lost myself to those dreams only to have my fantasy torn down around me, letting me crash into my lonesome reality? How many more times could I crash before I burned? Before the paint peeled from the very walls of my existence, leaving me in cold nothingness?

_I'm going under_

_Drowning in you_

_I'm falling forever_

_I've got to break through_

_So go on and scream_

_Scream at me I'm so far away_

_I won't be broken again_

_I've got to breathe I can't keep going under_

If he returned my affections, well, I really didn't know what I would do from there. It could fail. It could work. There was a realm of possibilities I could only begin to imagine. _If_. Nothing was for sure. After all, "absolute certainty is the greatest illusion of all." In all honesty, the future was riding on him.

_I'm dying again_

_I'm going under_

_Drowning in you_

_I'm falling forever_

_I've got to break through_

_I'm going under (going under)_

_Going under (drowning in you)_

_I'm going under_

**A/N:** Chapter one fell short of my expectations lengthwise. Bummer. I'll live on. :-

Charmed Wolf: Thank you very much. It's great to hear from people.

Review! glances around It makes me happy? ;)


	3. Chapter 3

:P My apologies— it took me a while to get around to completing this chapter, but I managed today and then got a page of ch 4 written during French.

Reviewer Responses:

Charmed Wolf— Thank you, again

Mizu no Kenshi— yay! Support! Always a good thing!

Amylia—yay! Pocky and ice cream!

Where My Heart Lies ch 3

Aoshi stood at the Oniwaban Place of Sight. How did he feel? About Misao?

She had grown up, certainly. It was something even he could not ignore. And how was he supposed to respond to that? How was he supposed to be sure of his feelings, anyway?

His little Misao had grown up beautifully. His feelings for her _had_ changed, but in what way? Where _did_ his heart lie now?

If he was wrong… god, if he was wrong it could break her. He couldn't allow that to happen to her. He had to be careful, whatever his decision. But ultimately, a choice must be made. It wasn't fair to leave her waiting on him.

Was this so different? The lives of Hannya, Beshimi, Shikijou, and Hyottoko he had held in his hands, but Misao… this was her_ heart_. The heart is so much more fragile than the body. That was it, then. He was afraid of hurting her, and so he had to realize what could hurt her more.

No. This time he was going to do right by her. He would not lay as an empty trifle for her to carry. It was time he made an action.

A/N: Sorry it's so short, but it's really the appropriate length for this chapter…

Review for the next chapter, which I'll be finishing up.


	4. Chapter 4

And we're up! Thank you everyone for being so patient

Reviewer Responses:

Charmed Wolf—thank you again Charmed Wolf

Kenni nii chan—thanks and yes, I do tend to go rather deep in my writing. Unfortunately, it causes me to struggle with action

Where My Heart Lies ch 4

Misao headed downstairs for dinner. She and the other Oniwabanshu of the Aoiya ate in the restaurant after closing for the day. It was well an hour after dusk, summer as it was, and night descended over the city of Kyoto.

The table was unusually quiet this night. Strange. This silence was becoming awfully familiar. Misao deliberately avoided looking at Aoshi, not wanting to face him just yet. Even so, she felt his gaze on her throughout the meal and shrank slightly under it.

It was obvious to Misao that whatever change had overcome Aoshi had been brought on by she herself. She finished her meal quickly, as she was doing none of those things that would normally have distracted her. She had additional reasons to finish and leave quickly, of course. The silence and the continuous sensation of being watched were making her uncomfortable.

She retreated once again to the gardens behind the Aoiya. Any more time alone in her room she could not tolerate. She sat once more aside the small koi pool. At this time there was a small leaf floating in the water (likely having been knocked from a nearby tree by some small creature). The large fish would disturb the leaf every so often, creating ripples at the water's surface.

If Aoshi had made his decision, as it appeared he had, what was she supposed to do now? There is no knowing, really. You can try to prepare yourself for every scenario, but it will seep through, somehow. It penetrates your plan through its tiniest flaws and brings you to feel very unprepared nonetheless. She hadn't even thought ahead this time—not that it really made much difference, but at least she wouldn't feel such failure to try. Regretting her lack of preparation would be of no help to her now. There is no strategy in such things, only whatever tactics you can manage.

As much as she hated to call it such, her strategy of confronting Aoshi had worked well enough and now the small flame she had set forth was raging out of her control. He had that unpredictable, swift and powerful aura of a fire, and yet he was as untelling and unpersuadable as a glacier. Rampant and yet solid, a great force to be reckoned with.

In such matters concerning Aoshi, one must wait knowing that whatever will occur shall do so in due time.


	5. Chapter 5

The inspiration that set off this chapter came to me in the middle of my French homework Monday night. Thankfully I was since able to lay out basic planning ahead as to what I wanted to do. On another note, my family visited a Japanese Steak House in Minneapolis on Tuesday, which was a wonderful experience in and of itself (except that my green tea ice cream had chocolate on it eep). Additionally, my internet has been down for a bit (so very displeased, I was).

Reviewer Responses:

Patto-chan— thank you and you're quite welcome

Charmed Wolf— tadaa! Your wish has been granted

Gabyhyatt—thanks

Where My Heart Lies ch 5

How does anyone know how to even begin a relationship? Neither of them had actually had any experience in such things; Misao having come to this extent of her love for Aoshi now, and Aoshi having been far to busy at that time of his own life to indulge in such matters. Both having more complicated lives than would be expected, and yet so inexperienced in this department. Misao had lived long with her love for Aoshi, and Aoshi had lived longer on the whole. These things being said, were they _amateurs_ or _veterans_? How does one tell another of his or her feelings? Well, this really wasn't so hazy in this scenario, at least. It was a thing shown through caring actions rather than words. The real question here was how to tell another— _acting_ on your feelings. How does one decide what is sought in a relationship, let alone go about starting one. Must there be a defined beginning of a relationship? Are there not those undefined relationships which form over time and are realized somewhere along the way? Are those not the greatest kinds of relationships?

To come out and so openly ask for a relationship… As unconventional as Misao may have been, even she could never think to be so forward. Aoshi, as to-the-point as he was, could never be so blunt with Misao. That really only left room for one thing: the unannounced beginnings of a relationship. What could be done to advance without repercussions? Such a matter must be tended with regard to both Misao and society, harsh and controlling as it is, to not place her in any sort of "dishonorable" position. Care and effort were requited in such a courting.

The changes over that first week were minute, or so it would seem. Aoshi was visiting the temple less frequently now, and he would often accompany me as I ran errands around Kyoto. It was at such a time that the news came to us. We were returning to the Aoiya with groceries (Aoshi carrying the tofu, of course) when Okon came running out to meet us with a letter. I accepted the letter from her and was joyful to see it was from Tokyo. Little did I know, this letter held much more joyous news. Kenshin and Kaoru were getting married and had invited Aoshi and myself to the wedding. How wonderful—two of my good friends were engaged!

Of course such an occasion would call for a nice formal kimono. Okon and Omasu managed to find me a long dark blue Kimono with an aqua trim and obi, as well as a matching aqua hair ribbon was found to tie at the end of my braid.

Three weeks may have seemed rather short notice for a wedding, but honestly it was about time those two were married. We arrived in Tokyo the week of the wedding. Kaoru and Kenshin were kind enough to let us stay in rooms at the dojo during our time in Tokyo. Yahiko had returned to mocking Kaoru for lack of things to do, as Tsubame was devoting hours upon hours of time into preparing and perfecting the wedding cake. She had recently come across the recipe and picture of a western style wedding cake with three layers and covered with intricate designs in the icing. A rather anxious Kenshin remained steadfast with a rather large load of laundry. An equally anxious Kaoru devoted hours of extra time into private practice with her bokken. Sanosuke kept busy pestering the fox, entertaining her patients, and testing her patience. It seemed everyone was preparing for the big day. Alright, so only some of us were productive as the others simply kept busy. I myself had taken over the task of cleaning the dojo with Yahiko. To be truthful, it was really more of him complaining and me pinning him up to the wall with my kunai, much to the amusement of everyone else.

Dinner each night was prepared by Kenshin, (of which we were very thankful). The kitchen still displayed remnants of Kaoru's last cooking attempt. I would, however, be assisting Himura in the kitchen (oh the joyous benefits to growing up in a restaurant). It was at one such dinner that Yahiko worked up the gall to ask me about things between Aoshi and me. This question brought an abrupt halt to all other conversation. I must have paled visibly as all attention was turned on the three of us. I glanced at Aoshi in question and he did the same to me. Kaoru was eying Yahiko, stunned by his bold question. Kenshin had a priceless "Oro!" expression upon his face as Tsubame was blushing furiously at Yahiko's outburst. Sanosuke received an elbow to his side from the fox for the smirk on his face as he, Megumi, and Yahiko all looked to Aoshi and me for an answer.

I should have realized, of course, that the others would also come to notice the change in our situation. As subtle a change as it may have seemed, they knew us well enough that they couldn't have missed it. At this point no one was saying anything but the awkward silence sort of spoke for itself. What the hell is with all these damn silences? (A/N: that's _how_ many now?) Well, when life gives you lemons, you take that lemonade and run! And so, over the next five minutes, all of our company at the table departed in slightly lagging pairs from our little banquet of unspoken words. In accordance, Aoshi and I retreated to our own rooms. There would be so much to do tomorrow.

A/N: Well, it certainly took long enough to get this chapter written out, not to mention internet still down (causing great irritability on my part). And to my vast amount of luck, inspiration struck at about 10:00 Wednesday night. For this reason, I had to put down chapter 6 which I had begun directly after ending chapter 5 (because, of course, these little writing splurges only come along so often, and quite unpredictably at that. And, for that matter, not immediately writing it down would then leave me stranded and wondering what on earth I was planning to do next).

Do please review, and if I might ask, tell me what you like, don't like, etc.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: One note, I will warn you that we are going back and forth between Aoshi and Misao.

Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin (NobuhiroWatsuki).

Reviewer Responses:

Charmed Wolf-- and once again: a great thank you going out to my most prominent fan!

Where My Heart Lies ch 6

I knew even upon waking the following day that I wouldn't be able to keep avoiding the issues from that evening. It was lurking just beneath the surface, inescapable. The morning passed more quietly than usual, which, in all honesty, gave me no preparation time? All that time I spent in dread. Anxiety. It's like stage fright, in a way. When the time comes, there's no backing away from it and a presentation must be made.

My debut arrived around an hour past noon. I was preparing a list of foods and supplies to buy when Kaoru arrived, cornering me in my own room (even if it was her dojo). She didn't say anything, but stood there expectantly, waiting for me to start with an answer. Now, if I might say, how anyone can go around the day before her wedding inquiring about other people's love lives is beyond me, but that's Kaoru for you, I suppose. She is so caring, really, but her bursting curiosity can make her seem foolish. I fidgeted under her gaze. Childish, perhaps, but not a concern of mine.

I started, "I'm not sure just where our relationship is, right now." I then filled Kaoru in on recent events. I wouldn't say that I was too hopeful by my own words, but Kaoru left with a smile on her face.

I was out in the yard before the dojo practicing with my kodachi. Kenshin was sitting nearby, doing laundry as usual. He did not state his thoughts, but I knew them all the same. Of course he was wondering about the question of the previous night. After a time, I started a little hesitantly, "Is it so wrong to fear bringing her pain? I wish to be closer to her, yes, but I'm afraid that I will just hurt her again."

"When we try to protect those whom we love by keeping them in a safe place, we end up hurting them more. Smothering, if you will." He picked up another kimono and proceeded to wash it. "They will never settle to stay back and watch, but will always fight to be right there with us, in all that we do. Put aside your worries and embrace her."

I collected my things and went for a walk along the river.

Trees have always been a good place for me. My petite body makes for excellent maneuvering among branches, and boughs easily support my weight. Such a location is ideal for it provides solitude without loneliness. Among the birds and breezes I am allowed to experience life, without the hassles. Leaves conceal my presence from the outside world. That world which wants to find me and make me do something. I have come to like this particular tree. Its location gives me a serene view of the water flowing below me. There are those behaviors that trees allow for. Eccentricity certainly being one of them. Hanging, swinging, dancing alone. It's like a one way window in which you can see everything in the world around you, and you are screened from view. I was centered in the tree, swinging from my knees beneath the canopy when I noticed that I had an audience.

Water is inspiration. It is never troubled for long, nor will it stop its journey for losses. Water always finds a way around those obstacles that would dare to challenge it. When in an icy form, it becomes brittle and unwilling to move. None can interact with it until it is melted back into water. There is none so awe inspiring than ever flowing waters. I gaze into the river beside me to see only that which can be seen. I see my own face. It is troubled, but with a lighter burden than before. Everyone has their own burden that he must deal with in his own way.

I continue to peer upon the surface of the water, only to see something dangling over me. My eyebrow arched as I saw one Makimachi Misao swinging by her knees from a branch ten feet above me, oblivious to my own presence. I watched her for a minute before she noticed me. She gave a surprised "eep!" and proceeded to maneuver out of her now awkward position.

I grabbed hold of a branch and pulled myself up. I moved up to where she was and simply held her against me. These strong boughs would support us both.

Although I knew that something would happen, I was still very much surprised by his gesture. As said before, you can only wait for Aoshi to do what he will. He will do things in his own time. I leaned into him as we sat there in the tree. And the silence was not one that would estrange, but comfortable. One you could lay in like a hammock. And so we stayed there late into the afternoon.

Dinner that night was spent with that same comfortable silence between us, although everyone was talking with excitement for the wedding that would occur only the next day. And I must say I slept rather lightheartedly that night.

I can see just knowing I am the one who could make her so happy. As I lay in bed awaiting slumber, I wondered what else I could do for her.

A/N: Okay, I've had a lot of extra time lately, and so I've now finished chapter 7 and began chapter 8. I will, however, wait for a few reviews so that I can get some feedback on these chapters first. I'm also wondering: do you think a c-section (somewhat graphic) would call for a rating change? It won't come along until a ways farther in the story, but I might as well ask now. Also, I have definite plans for a sequel to this story that will be better explained at the end of this story. In the meantime, please let me know if there is anything you find confusing, what you liked, etc.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Oh the boredom of the end of the school year. I may just get this worked on yet.

Reviewer Responses:

Charmed Wolf-- thank you, again. I like to be encouraging, and I actually forgot I still needed to get this chapter up.

Zia-- Never fear, I could never write a graphic scene (how depressing is that:P). The most graphic would come later on, and it would be describing a Cesaerian section.

MellowyelloW2007-- thank you very much I also look forward to writing the sequel, but first things first, I need to get around to finishing this story (which will mean determining the reasonings for who lives where and why, etc). I am really pleased with the early perception I have for teh charachters of the sequel, though...

Patto-chan-- Any rating change would come about for aforementioned reasons and that won't happen for a good while yet.

Where My Heart Lies ch 7

That day of the wedding came so quickly for everyone. Even so, I have never seen any woman so happy, ready, and fearless as Kaoru. She smiled so brightly that one might think that her face would stick that way. Megumi and I helped Kaoru into her wedding dress (in the western style that Miss Tae had ordered for her). Sanosuke, in an unusually gratuitous gesture, was repaying Tae for her feely given gift by helping her and Yahiko in their preparation of food for the reception. This left Aoshi to assist Kenshin.

The ceremony was over soon enough, as Kenshin gave Kaoru the ring (which he had bought), a square diamond with tiny pink gems on either side set in a gold band. As unconventional as ever, she threw her arms around him before kissing him. They turned around and waved to all their guests. Sanosuke, Megumi, Tae, Yahiko, and Tsubame (who had rested that morning after completing her masterpiece cake) all cheered. Even Saitou Hajime was there with Tokio (who had obviously had to drag him there). Okon, Omasu, and Okina all turned up after the ceremony to congratulate the new couple. They had sent a messenger pigeon three days before, saying that they would be away on a small mission. We all marveled at Tsubame's 3 layer wedding cake. It even had small, painted wooden figures of Kenshin and Kaoru. As astonishing as the cake was, it was after all a cake, and Tsubame was complimented time and again for her skill. I myself had about 4 pieces of the cake, as well as Aoshi's excess frosting. Megumi didn't look too pleased with my high sugar intake, but I would have Aoshi to exert my hyperactivity upon.

We walked home towards Kyoto, Aoshi and I. The other Oniwabanshu, it turned out, would be away for a week still. Aoshi's large steps easily kept up with my fast-paced skipping. As sunny, warm, and blue skied as the day had been, the evening brought heavy clouds, and as we walked along the long road to Kyoto, rain suddenly began to pour. We ran down the road looking for a place of shelter, but none was to be found. Aoshi pulled me to the partial shelter of the trees. An especially large tree stopped most of the falling rain, but we were already soaking wet. My new kimono was heavy with the water and I had to wring it out from time to time. I went around to the opposite side of the tree to change into my much drier onmitsu outfit. It would be just as wet, eventually, but in the mean time, it was dry and I knew it would provide much more freedom overall.

I came back around to Aoshi only to be pulled into strong arms and (to my great surprise) kissed. He pulled back and looked into my face. Stunned, I put a hand to my lips. Then I smiled and punched him playfully, "Aoshi, now I'm all wet again!" This got me another, very warm kiss.

A/N: It's short, I know, but I needed a recuperation break in here (and I really think this works so much better than a simple page break). I am thus far pleased with my story and teh way its going. Please review! why? I give myself so little credit that some praise would do me good. Update threats are also welcomed ;-)


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin. I just play with it. Nobuhiro Watsuki alone has the rights to it. I can only hope to honor his great works.

A/N: Yes, Laura has been very lazy this summer, and for lack of things to do, finally got out her notebook to accomplish something. To clear up any confusion, the POV has only ever gone back and forth between Misao and Aoshi. It's just how I do things.  
Where My Heart Lies ch 8

After that first kiss, I had worried until she reacted so positively. I will say only that the evening continued as such until the rain stopped and we could continue on our journey home.

The night that we reached the Aoiya, I found myself wondering what would happen if I proposed. It wasn't uncommon for people of our varied ages to marry. There were certainly more distantly aged couples then us. It made a political sense, as well. Such a marriage could only benefit the Aoiya and its occupants. There would not be any major objections. At most, there might be some wariness on the part of Okina for the woman who was both his pretty Misao and his Okashira. The feeling was deserved, I suppose, and I knew that he would never be able to trust me as he once had. Most importantly, I _loved_ Misao. It felt odd to think of it in those terms, but the word best embodied my feelings for her.

My greatest concern was how to go about asking her. This was Misao, and so such a heavy advancement had to be handled delicately. She could handle something abrupt and casual, yes, but she deserved much more thought and detail than that. I had not missed the wonder in her eyes when she saw Kaoru's wedding ring. It would please her greatly were she presented with one of her own. I decided then that I would find a ring first and then wait until a suitable opportunity presented itself, in which I could catch her alone.

----------------------------------------------------- POV + Time ---------------------------------------------------------

I suppose in these past few weeks this has become _my_ place where I can seek peace and solitude. Content enough to sit here at the edge of this same garden pond. I've been doing a little brooding of my own this week. Since our return from Tokyo, Aoshi has kept at a distance. He's always nearby, but distanced from myself, never closer than arm's distance. Like he's hiding something, playing "keep away," just out of reach.

He's up to something, but I haven't been allowed to know more than that. Agh! Damn him with his ability to restrict the flow of information! Okashira though I may be, if Aoshi wants to keep something from me, he still has the control to do so.

Okon and Omasu have been teasing me constantly, which tells me they know something that I do not. Shiro and Kuro, to their credit, hold too much fearful respect for their female counterparts to let me in on this secret. They regard me with apologetic faces whenever they pass by. Jiya, on the other hand, simply smiles sweetly in a manner that could very well equal the teasings of the girls. Once again, I would wait for Aoshi to come to me.

A/N: sigh I'm really having trouble figuring out how to do the proposal. I mean, I know how, but the dialogue always escapes me grr At least this chapter allowed me to get back into the story so that I can do so. Please review, it helps to make me confident in my writing and allows me to write freely without worry of value. Better yet, it tells me that you cared enough about the story to review, and that always pleases me. I'd just appreciate a review of what you like/dislike about the story, and yes, I will update when I sort things out. Also, if you haven't read it yet, I do recommend a reflection of mine with which I am well pleased (1:3 My Emotion). My profile is also updated as of September 1st.


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